I have been a parent just long enough to know I don't always know what to do in every situation. I thought I would know, but the problem is kids don't always behave the way you want or expect them to...a lesson that didn't take me long to learn. I've learned a lot of lessons so far in my 5 years of parenting, but this particular problem is not one I was expecting at this stage, nor is it one that I really feel like I've got under control at this point.
Owen has lots of opinions. And he can be pretty persistent. He wants to have a say in just about every choice that is made regarding him. And I am totally fine with that. In most every situation we have worked out some sort of system that works for all of us. We don't get a lot of tantrums from Owen, and the ones we do get are very short lived. Except in one area.
The clothes. Here's the situation. Owen has about 3 shirts and 2 pairs of shorts he wants to wear. There's no real rhyme or reason to what he likes and doesn't like--it's not a certain color or texture or type of clothing (because I could totally work with those kinds of issues!). And here's my one non-negotiable. I am not willing to hand over complete control to Owen over what he wears. I realize that some parents don't agree, but we all have our things. And I may look back on this choice in 10 or 15 years and realize it was naive and silly of me to stand so firmly on this one issue. But that's where I'm at today.
I am more than happy to offer plenty of choices, to let Owen have input on what he wears. But letting him walk out in a striped green golf shirt and some orange and brown plaid shorts just ain't happenin'.
So here's a quick rundown on what I've tried.
--Offering 2-3 complete outfits and letting him choose one.
--Offering a combination of shirts and pants that all go together and letting him choose a shirt and pants.
--Offering to let him choose the shirt and letting me pick the shorts.
--Picking out an outfit he likes the night before.
--Not giving him a choice at all.
--Forcing the clothes on him. (that one is particularly fun).
--Putting him in his room until he gets himself dressed.
Nothing is working.
This morning, Owen had a new Star Wars shirt that I thought would make today a breeze. I picked out some red shorts to match. Boy was that a mistake! Owen doesn't immediately throw a fit. He is just adamant that he is not going to wear red shorts. I calmly explain that those are the shorts that match the shirt he wants to wear. "But Jack is wearing gray shorts!" Owen replies. "Owen, you don't have any gray shorts clean." "I'm NOT wearing red shorts!" So I went and picked out a different outfit for him, and he now had two options. In an effort to not engage him in arguing, I told him he could choose which outfit he wanted and he could come out of his room when he was dressed. After going in circles, and many, many, MANY tears, I was at my wits end. At this point, he was just crying for his mama, and I'm a total sucker for Owen. So I went in (over an hour after the entire thing had started) and tried to figure out the problem. It boiled down to the red shorts. So I opened his drawer, found a pair of khaki shorts (I would have started here but I thought Owen wanted to wear "comfy" shorts!). Owen immediately stripped down and was dressed and off to play 30 seconds later with not another thought about it.
Those hour-long battles are NEVER worth it to me, and I always think that if I could have seen it coming, I would have never started it to begin with.
This is a battle for us every single day, unless Owen gets to wear one of the 2 or 3 outfits he likes. What can I do differently? Do I push the issue even further? Do I leave him in his room to get dressed even if it takes hours? Do I give him choices or not? This issue has progressively gotten worse as he has gotten older, and I do not think it is going away any time soon.
This fall when school starts back, we won't have the luxury of waiting until he decides to get ready. I've even contemplated sending him to school in his pj's when he refuses to get dressed, and just sending his clothes with him...gosh, that idea doesn't sound nearly as good right now as it does in the morning when he won't get dressed.
I realize there's probably no right answer...I continue to struggle with the second-guessing I often have in decisions I make as a parent. What advice or suggestions do you have? Doesn't an issue like this become an even bigger one when kids get older and want to have even more say in what they wear?
I'm sure one day, I will look back on this and laugh at how silly the problem was. But for today, this is the issue. I hope it's a phase that will quickly pass...
