New Year's Resolutions

Okay, I'm just going to put this out there.  I am pretty open about the fact that I am imperfect in basically every aspect of my life.  I can easily get wrapped up in all my faults and insecurities, and I will often become overwhelmed at how many different ways I could be and do better.  So it's no surprise that I love the idea of New Year's Resolutions (or as I like to think...setting yearly goals or creating a growth plan).  I love the idea of a new year and a new beginning--a chance to start fresh and give myself permission to let go of the mistakes of the past year to make room for the possibility of growth in the new year. 

I've been thinking and praying a lot about what God would have me focus on this year, and I have to be honest...I am so stinkin' excited to get to January and jump into some of my 2012 goals.  Of which there are many...too many to list here.  And some too boring to list here.  And some just too personal to list here (where the entire world can read it!).  But I'll share a few with you, just for fun.

1.  I am going to read the entire Bible this year. (This one makes it onto my list pretty much every year--after all, you can never read the Bible too many times.)  And I'm doing it with some of my closest friends.  This is the Bible I will be using, which is what I am particularly excited about.  Doesn't it look great?  It's so girly.  If you're interested in joining me, I'd love to have you along!
2.  I am going to send more cards in the mail.  I love sending and receiving cards, but I don't take enough time to do this...I've got a new stash just waiting to be addressed.
3.  I am going to do a photo project called Project 365, where I take a picture each day for a year.  I've got a link set up on the right over there, but don't click on it just yet--nothing there (Unless, of course, you are reading this after January 1!  Then, if all goes well, there should be something there.)
4.  I am going to cook more with my kids.  Gosh, this one is a hard one for me...I really love the idea of cooking with my kids.  I imagine us all in our little aprons or chef hats or whatever, the boys patiently waiting for their turn to add ingredients and stir or spread or scoop the finished product.  But when we actually cook, it usually involves various white powders all over my kitchen, the boys fighting over the measuring cups, egg shells in the bowl, and me throwing a temper tantrum like a 3 year old (did I really just admit that??).  Sigh.  This year, I resolve to do better. 
5.  I am going to learn how to crochet.  Matt (sweet, thoughtful Matt) bought me the most wonderful gift (2 or maybe 3 Christmas ago, I'm afraid to say) of crocheting supplies (after I had mentioned many times that I would love to learn how).  I am determined to pull out that basket of colorful, soft yarn and hooked needles and turn it into a snuggly blanket.  Or maybe a scarf.  Whatever.  I'm going to learn how to crochet.  And if you know how to crochet, maybe you could teach me???

Seriously, I could go on for days, but I will stop there.  Of course, I have the same old resolutions as everyone else, too--eat healthy, exercise more, get more rest, blah, blah, blah...but these are the ones I'm most excited about!

We'll also spend some time as a family making some goals for the coming year...I'll let you know what we decide.  I imagine it will be along the lines of less-hitting-more-hugging and let's-learn-what-an-inside-voice-is, and those sorts of things.

I'm dying to know, what are some of your New Year's Resolutions or goals for 2012?  What are you most excited about?  What will you be focusing on in the new year?

Superheroes

My kids love superheroes.  They love to dress like them.  They love to pretend they are flying or have supernatural strength or can shoot spider webs out of their hands.  They love the idea that superheroes are just good guys.  So naturally, they chose superheroes for their Halloween costumes this year.  (They were also superheroes last year...)

They really know very little about the actual superheroes themselves, since they have never seen the movies or read the books, but they love the idea that they are good guys that have supernatural powers.  And they use those superpowers to help others.  I've always just chalked it up to little boy stuff and haven't given the whole superhero thing much thought.

Until tonight.

Then I read this awesome article.  It really is inspiring (just check out the title!), so please take some time to read it over a cup of coffee, but for now, here's the part that got me...

I have always said to my children, “Selfishness is natural. Generosity is supernatural and comes from letting the Holy Spirit talk to us and teach us how to give. I just know He is going to use you greatly in the world.” (and so on, fighting is natural, loving is supernatural–what choice will you make–to serve yourself or your flesh or to live supernaturally and become God’s love and grace to a world that needs redemption.

Immediately, my mind went to my tiny boys dressed up in superhero costumes with muscles made of cotton batting, and I realized that I have an amazing opportunity to put the power of the Holy Spirit in terms that they can understand!  I am constantly "preaching" to my kids about being kind to others, serving others, being selfless, and so on...But most of the time, by the look on their faces, all they are hearing is the Charlie Brown teacher saying, "Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah..."  We repeat scripture verses, we talk about Jesus, we read the Bible...but somehow, it all just seems lost on them on many days. 

But what if I approach it the way this amazing mom does...not that being kind and selfless and loving are chores, a sort of obligation for us Christ-followers, but that being kind and selfless and loving are SUPERNATURAL POWERS!! bestowed upon us as Christ-followers by the Holy Spirit.  We have been entrusted with great gifts and great power--and what is it??? Oh yeah..."With great power comes great responsibility." 

Of course I get that the connection has been made before.  I get that there are real-life actual superheroes in the Bible.  I get that this should have occurred to me before 5 years (wow...has it really been FIVE years???) into parenting little boys.

But it didn't.  And maybe God has been waiting for just the right moment to reveal it to me.  And here's why.

As parents, we get to see our children literally changing before our eyes.  Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually...we see it all.  Jack seems to experience these seasons of change a little more intensely than most children.  Right now, Jack is struggling with how to put others' needs/wants/feelings before his own.  We are working on training Jack to recognize what he can do to serve and love others around him and then to make the conscious choice to follow through with those actions, even when he must abandon his own desires.  This might include helping clean up the house instead of playing outside, making a card for someone when he would rather ride his scooter, sharing his toys with his brother when he really doesn't want to, or collecting money for needy kids when he could be playing at his friend's house. 

And lately, Jack is not a fan.  Not at all. 

Which is, after all, only natural.  Of course, he wants to play with toys and ride his scooter and go to his friend's house.  Those things are all FUN!!  And don't we all love to have fun??? 

But God calls us to so much more than that.  God empowers us through the Holy Spirit to be supernatural.  I want Jack to know that the deep joy that comes from laying down his own desires to serve others is so much greater and long-lasting than those moments of immediate gratification that comes from serving himself.  If I can train Jack to have a servant's heart, then I know he will have more joy, he will know Christ more intimately, he will be a better husband and father, he will make an impact for the kingdom of God. 

And don't you have to have a servant's heart to be a superhero??

The next time we are on the verge of a meltdown (which will be today),  I can encourage Jack by letting him know it takes supernatural powers (that come from the Holy Spirit) to serve others.  I can't wait to try it out....I'll let you know how it goes. 

First Day of School

Whew!  It's been a crazy month!  I have so much to update about, but for tonight, it's just the first day of school.  It was a month ago, but today is when I found time to finally share some pictures of the day...

This year is Jack's last year in preschool and Owen's first.  Jack's an old pro these days, and Owen's been going to Jack's school since he was a baby, so he thinks he's an old pro, too. 
We have a little tradition on the first day of school.  Matt stays home from work, and he makes a delicious breakfast and I write up a little note for the boys.  It's not much, but it's just a fun way to start the year.  Here's what the boys see when they come down for breakfast.

They both were so excited about the breakfast, meeting new friends, carrying their new backpacks...I just love the first day of school!  Even as their mom, I still get that same nervous excitement about the start of a new year.  And by the way, that breakfast is Matt's handiwork all the way...isn't he just the best dad??  Digging through my box of 100+ cookie cutters to find just the right combination of letters and numbers.  Precious.
And here they are doing the obligatory sign-holding picture...

You can tell Jack's an old hat at the whole thing.  He just wants to get to eating his breakfast.

After we finished breakfast, everyone got dressed and ready to go.  The boys were so excited to finally grab their brand new backpacks and lunch boxes that I wouldn't let them touch all summer long.

And we finally headed to school, where we had to get even more pictures...

Oh my goodness, how cute are they in their matchy-matchy outfits??  I adore those boys.

They both did well--Owen, surprisingly so.  I was proud of them for walking in their classrooms and getting right to work...playing.  Matt headed off to work, and I...well, I did not know what to do with myself with 5 hours of uninterrupted, child-free time!  I went to Kroger and spent more than 2 hours and $200 buying groceries.  In total piece and quiet.  It was heavenly.

And by 2:00, I honestly could not wait to pick them up.  They had great first days and we went to celebrate with ice cream.  Another great tradition.

In the month they have been in school, they have both settled into their classrooms and their routines quite nicely.  Owen wasn't crazy about the naptime at school, but he seems to have adjusted okay for now.  Owen seems to have already found a lady friend in his class, which is no surprise to me.  At just the mention of school, his whole face lights up and "I play wid Eva!"  His teachers report that the two love birds sit in the book corner and read books and whisper to each other everyday.  Just last week, little Eva walked in as I was leaving, and Owen stopped in his tracks, got all googly eyed, and started following the adorably tiny little brown-haired girl all around the classroom, until they both settled on a pillow right in the middle of the reading center.  It does not help that Owen is one of only 3 boys in his entire class!  When he's not talking about Eva, it's Hannah Claire and Addie...he'll be married by kindergarten.

Jack is enjoying his new friends and new classroom a lot.  He loves the science center and the cash register in his class.  His teachers say he is "all-boy" but uses good manners and is sweet, which makes me proud.  He can almost never tell me what he learned in class but gives me a play-by-play of who had which toy that he wanted and how many friends he played with on the playground and what the other kids had for lunch.  He's got his preschool priorities straight, I tell you.

And so begins the last year of preschool for one and the first year of preschool for the other.  I treasure these days that I still have them with me so much, as I know they are limited.  Even though some days, I would rather pull my hair out one by one than break up another fight or listen to them play drums or pick up the sofa pillows off the floor for the nineteenth time, I really love having this time with them when they are little.  They grow and change so fast, I'm constantly wishing for time to stand still so I can just hold them a little longer, read them one more bedtime story, hear their little voices saying the cutest things a few more times.  They are just so precious.  And I am so blessed to be their mom, and I look forward to many more first days of school...

One of those days...

This is how I found the peanut butter jar this morning.  Well...I found it on its side on the floor.  Clearly, there had been a very large peanut butter accident.  There were hundreds (okay, well maybe a little less, but it was still a lot, especially for 7:00 am, which might as well be the middle of the night for me) of little peanut butter blobs all over the kitchen.  The floor, the table, the walls, the cabinets...there were also a few peanut butter-covered dishrags littered about in the  mess.  By the powder room, there was a LARGE puddle of water (more of a lake, really) with a couple more dishrags lying in the middle of it.  I started to put the pieces together. 

I actually woke to Jack yelling, "MOM!! OWEN GOT IN THE PEANUT BUTTER!!!!"  It's a fairly common occurrence in our house for the kids to wake before me and go exploring in the pantry before I wake up.  They usually wake me up to ask for breakfast, but I have found them a few times munching on pretzels or goldfish (the only foods in their reach in the pantry) while having a "picnic."  I've never really gotten upset about it because 1) It doesn't happen everyday, 2) I admire their independence,  3) I think it's cute how proud they are of themselves, and 4) Who am I kidding?  I like the extra minutes to snooze in the morning.  Occasionally, they will branch out and pull a kitchen chair over to the pantry so they can reach the cereal bars, which live on a higher shelf, or add a little cheese to their menu (which is why I sometimes find in the fridge crumpled up cheese slices with bites taken out of the wrapper).  But this morning.  This morning.  Owen reached a whole new level.  Apparently, he wanted some peanut butter on his pretzels. 

In his two-year-old mind, this is what I think happened...he reached in the jar with his hands, because why not??  But then he had waaaaayyyyy more peanut butter than he needed in his little hand, so he did what any normal two-year-old would do.   He shook it off.  Slung it everywhere.  I mean, everywhere.  When that didn't do the trick, he stuck his hand in his mouth, covering his face in peanut butter. But there was still too much.  So he wiped it on his jammies.  Then he looked around.  Uh-oh.  There's peanut butter on the floor.  Better clean it up.  So he went to the cabinet where the dishrags are (and left peanut butter on the knob, of course), and got out some rags to clean it up.  But wait.  Mommy always wets them first.  So he went to the powder room, where he can actually reach the sink, and soaked his rags.  I mean, SOAKED them (hence, the lake on the floor).  Somewhere in there, Jack, ahem, alerted me to the situation, Owen decided it was just too much for him to handle, and he came searching for me.  And so that's how I found him, on his way up the stairs to find me.  Covered in peanut butter.  Loads of it.

We had a long discussion over his bath about the proper use of peanut butter and if you're hungry, you need to tell Mommy.  I think he got the message, but clearly, it did not extend to Owen's understanding of what to do if you want to finger paint. 

Because just two hours later, I found Owen in the art room covered head-to-toe in orange and purple.  He had asked to paint with watercolors--an activity he has done many times before and is well-versed in, as far as the rules go.  So I got him set up with watercolors, and I went back to whatever I was doing, which I cannot even begin to recall now, and I saw him go into the powder room.  I should know by now, that is NEVER good.  I was like, Whatcha doin' Owen??  And he was all, I need more water!  And I went to help him, since he IS only 2, after all, and his cup was overflowing, and he was leaving a trail of water all the way down the hallway.  When he turned around, that's when I saw the umm...artwork he had done on himself.  And I was like, Really???  Fingerpaint????? Really???  So we went back up for bath #2 and had another long discussion about the appropriate use of the art room and you are not allowed to paint anymore, Owen.  Do you understand me??

So we got that all cleaned up and I made lunch for the boys and me and I thought that since we had had a busy morning, I would let them watch a quick movie before nap time (and give me a few minutes to clean up the kitchen).  Well, it wasn't 10 minutes later when Owen came to me with his little hands held up to me asking for help, and to my horror, I saw....TEAL FINGERPAINT!!!!! Both hands just DRIPPING with the goopy stuff--a bright teal trail all the way behind him from the art room.  Clearly, we are not ready for the baby gates to come down from the art room door yet.  And who ever thought fingerpaint was a good idea, anyway???  Probably someone who works for a paper towel company or a soap company, that's who.

Up we went for bath #3 and a nap (YES!).  I was so darn frustrated with the poor boy, I didn't even have a long discussion with him.  I just threw outfit #4 on him and dropped him in his bed and It's nap time Owen.  Stay in your bed.

Yeah, right.  I kept hearing his little foot steps, and when I heard him in the bathroom, I was like, OWEN!  What are you DOING??  And he was like, I don't know, which is code for You really DON'T want to know.  I went upstairs to find him, but all I saw was the small puddle he had made in the floor of his room, so I cleaned it up, and he was all, Mommy don't be mad.  I sorry.  I sorry.  (He will make a good husband someday, won't he?)  And so I snuggled him until he finally fell asleep.

Matt came home from work a little while later and found what Owen had been doing upstairs after I had first put him down for a nap.  Yeah, he had climbed up in our closet and dumped our medicine box out.  He left half eaten cough-drops and a half-chewed antacid on the floor, along with lots of pill bottles and bubble packs, thankfully none opened.  Thank goodness for childproof wrappers and a guardian angel, because that could have been BAD.

There was one more incident where he tried to flush his undies down the potty, but I don't really know the details, so I will leave that alone...

Today was just one of those days...I wish I had thought to stop and take a few pictures throughout the day, just to remember and tell him about it one day, but that just didn't happen.  Who knows what else would have happened if I had paused to go get the camera??

Honestly, I'm often reminded on days like this, when one of my kids is having a particularly hard day, of just how much I love them (sometimes I need a time-out first to realize this).  I find myself torn between being angry, needing to discipline them, and just wanting to scoop them up in the midst of their disappointment, anger, hurt, whatever, and comfort them.  Having these two little boys has given me so much insight into my own relationship with God.  How often do I reach up to Him with messes too big to clean up on my own?  I love my boys so much all the time, but in those moments where they are hurting, I often feel that physical ache of a broken heart.  Their pain and sorrow and disappointment and anger become my own, and I just want to love them through it.  And to think that as much as I could ever love them, God loves me infinitely more--it's overwhelming.  I thought today, What in the world was he thinking???  He JUST got in trouble for getting into the fingerpaint, and he did it AGAIN!!  But how many times do I make the same bad choices over and over again, not learning from them?  And God in His infinite grace and mercy scoops me up into His arms full of forgiveness and hope and whispers that He STILL loves me with a love that is deeper and wider than I could ever imagine?  I am so incredibly thankful for that today. 

But I learned even more than that today.

Owen said many times today, unprompted, I sorry, I sorry, I sorry, Mommy.  But the last time he said it, just before we snuggled up for his nap, he said, Mommy say okay.  And I realized after a minute that he was waiting for me to give my typical response to his apologies--"It's okay, Owen."  There he was, standing before me, asking for grace and forgiveness and love in the only way his two-year-old little heart knows how.  He could say he was sorry all day long (and he did), but until he heard me say, "It's okay, Owen," he could not receive that grace and forgiveness and love that was already his for the taking.  And it made me realize that I ask for forgiveness daily, but I'm not sure I always stop to listen to God say, "It's okay," and to daily receive the love and forgiveness that He so freely gives.

I laid Owen down next to me in his bed, and I looked at him  and said, It's okay, Owen.  I love you.  And that's all he needed to hear.  He was sleeping just a minute later, resting in the comfort that his mommy still loves him, no matter what.

God used Owen and all of his messes today to teach me to just listen to Him.  God tells us to just stop and listen.  Gosh, how many times a day do I say that to my boys, and how many times a day do I fail to do it myself with my own Father?   A little perspective goes a long way, doesn't it? 

"Be still and know that I am God."

Psalm 46:10 

No TV

No TV today.  It's only 8:20am, and I have said these words to Jack about 32 times already.  He lost his screen time yesterday afternoon after some bad behavior that I won't rehash on here.  Suffice it to say, this consequence was well deserved.  And it's just for today.  Tomorrow, if he can manage not to repeat the same offense, he will get full privileges back. 

I'm not a huge fan of TV.  I feel like it sort of turns our brains to mush, and I know there are at least 18 other things I could be doing that would enrich my life a little more.  With that said, I am completely guilty of zoning out most nights after the kids are in bed and watching HGTV or Grey's Anatomy or Parenthood or some other equally meaningless show.  There's just something relaxing about snuggling up on the sofa and forgetting about my own day for a few minutes.  Clearly I'm not alone in this, as the TV/movie business is thriving.  But I feel guilty all the same. 

And now I feel even more guilty because I have passed this TV torch on to my 4 year old.  Jack loves TV.  Probably even more than an average kid.  And before I go any further, let me say that his screen time is limited.  We are AAP recommendation-abiding parents, after all.  Two hours a day--TOPS--and many days, not nearly that much.  Anyway, when Jack was a one-month-old very colicky baby, we did what any good (okay, desperate) parent would do, and turned on a Baby Einstein video.  He instantly stopped crying!  So in those very long, difficult early days of Jack, he fell in love with his Baby Einstein videos (he only got one a day--why did we torture outselves that way!?) and we grew to love the 24 minutes of pure baby happiness we got when they were on. 

Fast forward to today, and Jack has a veritable menagerie of shows he adores and follows--Jake and the Neverland Pirates, Bubble Guppies, Umizoomi, Little Einsteins, etc.  All of the shows he watches are mostly educational and all display positive social interactions.  I am very picky about what I will allow him to watch.  After all, I do want to protect his eyes, his ears, his heart.  And it is 100% up to us as parents to decide what we allow to speak into our children's lives.  I take that to heart. 

I know that taking away TV time is a consequence that speaks loud and clear to Jack.  It's effective.  Every time he asks to watch, I can remind him of the offense that resulted in losing his favorite pastime.  It gives him extra time to process what happened and what he can do differently next time.  And it requires him to think twice about his choices because he knows that if he makes the same bad choice again, he will lose another day of TV. 

Still, when I hear the sheer number of times he has asked to watch TV this morning, I can't help but question my decision to let him watch TV at all.  I am not a morning person.  And he is.  So most days I start the day by letting the boys watch a show while I have a few minutes to wake up and fix their breakfast and pray for the day.  This morning we were all a little more grumpy than usual because we didn't stick to that routine.  I have spent the better part of this morning contemplating whether I really want to continue that routine or find a different way for us to all start our morning. 

Anyway, I'm curious about your thoughts on this subject.  How do you handle TV in your house?  What is your stance on this issue?   (You can leave comments.  It's okay.)

My Beads

These are my favorite beads.  I got them last summer.  It's not because they are exquisitely beautiful.  Because they're not. (Although I love the colors!).  It's not because they are worth a lot of money.  Because they're not.  They are made of paper and plastic.  It's not even because I think they look particularly good on me.  Because I don't.  It's because of the hands that made them.  The hands that learned how to make these beads out of magazines.  The hands that belong to a woman on the other side of the world in Uganda.  That woman made this necklace with the same hands that hold her babies.  The babies who are thriving because she made this necklace.  And I have the honor of wearing it.  It's one of a kind.  I mean, there are probably thousands of necklaces that are similar, but none of them look just like mine.  Every time I slip it around my neck, I think of those hands that crafted each and every bead out of paper (of PAPER!), and I pray for the woman, the mother who belongs to those hands.  I like to think that she has two little boys just like me.  I like to pray for those little boys, too.  I love this necklace.  

This necklace also reminds me of a little girl...I came across the story of this little girl a year or two ago, and I was just blown away.  A Facebook friend had randomly met her and posted her story online--at that time, she was just getting started.  Then, she was selling t-shirts at our church.  Then I spotted her family again at a park close to home, and I was so excited I went to say hi and introduce myself to them (And I am quite sure they thought I was one step from stalking...).  I found out that they know our photographer friend Stephanie, and I thought then how crazy it was that this mission, this little girl kept popping up in my life.  I can't wait for you to read her story because you will be AMAZED.  I know I was. 

Meet Sydney.

http://feedingtheorphans.com/from-sydney

Sydney was 10!! when she started Feeding the Orphans.  When her heart was broken for these children.  When she felt God calling her to action.  When she was obedient.  I am still in awe of her story and her reckless abandon in fulfilling God's purpose for her young and compassionate heart.  I am also amazed at her family's willingness to  step out in faith and obedience and allow Sydney's mission to be their family's mission.  I think her story is just SO worth sharing.  Weren't you amazed?

Sydney's organization does a lot of different things to help support the orphans, including selling really awesome merchandise from t-shirts to jewelry to hosting a sponsorship program for many orphans.  You should check out the website for yourself though...

http://feedingtheorphans.com/

I believe that God has not called us to adopt at this season of our lives, but I do believe He has burdened my heart with this cause.  I rarely go a day where I don't think about those sweet faces, their sick bodies, their overwhelming needs, and know that they are so precious in His sight.  I often feel guilty for how much my own children have when compared to the little boys just their age on the other side of the world, like the little boys who belong to the mother that made my necklace.  My heart is broken for mothers who love so deeply that they make an unimaginable choice to give their children over to a promise of a better life.  And for mothers who have to choose between feeding their children or giving them medicine they need.  And for children who have never known a full belly or a warm bed.  And for children who will not live to be as old as even my own young sons.  But when I get lost in that sorrow and the ache is so deep, God reminds me that we can do something.  So we pray.  We sponsor.  We give.  And we pray some more. 

I have so much growing to do in this area.  I often feel torn between living in the comfort I have always known and sacrificing because that is what He has called us to do.  

I am thankful that God puts people in and around our lives where we least expect them who challenge us and make us grow.   I hope Sydney's story inspires you as much as it did me. 

Thanks for letting me share what's on my heart today.

Little Rockers

A little over a year ago, our hand-me-down dryer started smelling like it might cause a house fire, so we decided it was time to go buy our very own brand-new washer and dryer set (Hello, adulthood...who knew I would ever be so excited about doing laundry!?).  Anyway, we headed to Best Buy with both boys in tow, picked what we wanted, and began the purchasing process.  Since it was taking a little while and the boys were getting a little restless (climbing inside the appliances on display), I took them to explore the rest of the store.  After spending a few minutes checking out the enormous TV's and playing with the video games on display, we wandered into the instrument area of the store.  They have keyboards, guitars, and drumsets out so anyone can test them out.  I thought this might entertain them for a few minutes, so I let Jack climb up on the little stool with some drumsticks, and bang his little heart out.  Oh my goodness!  It was love at first sight.

Since that day, Jack has not wavered on his love for all things rock and roll.  This past Christmas, he asked for a guitar and drums, and Santa delivered.  Jack is way into his drums and plays them everyday.  Straws, sticks, silverware...you name it, it's a drumstick to Jack.  We kept thinking it was a phase, but he genuinely seems to love playing music. 

And here's the sweetest thing.  Owen, who adores his big brother Jack, has also picked up an interest in rock and roll, as well.  They often get together and "play" drums and guitar or keyboard and have their own little band.  It's something they definitely have bonded over, and I love watching them together.  I don't always love listening...but I love to see them enjoying being together. 

Recently, we went to our church's 4th of July festival and heard a new band Rapture Ruckus.  Jack loved them and danced and sang the whole time they played. (And Owen ate cotton candy).  Matt downloaded their music, and Jack has been listening to it nonstop, learning all the songs. 

Well, tonight Matt played a little Rapture Ruckus for the boys, and they ROCKED out.  They both danced and sang and jumped and flipped and loved every minute of it.  I love to watch them completely let loose and have so much fun and just enjoy each other so much.

Here's a glimpse of them.  They've got some moves, right!?  Owen has this funny dance move where he stands on one foot and sticks his little hip out and spins around.  And if it looks like he's scratching his tummy--yeah, that's him playing air guitar.    Enjoy!

Birthdays

I adore birthdays.  Everything about them.  The enormous bunches of balloons in all different colors. 

 The goofy party hats with those stretchy little strings that don't *quite* fit.  Those annoyingly loud blowy things that shoot out at people when they are least expecting it. 

The colorful streamers that seem like a necessity, but I can never figure out where to hang them.  The Yumm-o party food. 

The confetti!  Little bits of whatever-the-theme-is that make my husband go bonkers while cleaning up.  The shiny packages and sweet little cards.  The insanely unhealthy bakery birthday cake perfectly matched to the theme. 

The ignorant bliss of enjoying said cake for the very first time.

The perfect little personalized invitation.  All the sweet friends and family that take time out of their busy days to celebrate with you. 

Every last detail.  I am NOT kidding.  I absolutely cannot help it. 

I. Love. Birthdays.

There's just something about celebrating the day that God chose to breathe life into us.  Life is such an incredible mystery and miracle, and every single day, let alone a whole year, is such a gift from our sweet Lord who made us in His image.  And really, who doesn't secretly want to tell everyone they know that it's their birthday when it comes around each year??  Who doesn't love to hear those two little words--Happy Birthday!!!  I mean, come on, we may not like getting one year older, but we sure do love having one day that we can just celebrate the fact that we actually exist here on this planet.  Also, one day where we can get free dessert (along with the total strangers clapping and marching through a restaurant just to sing a Happy Birthday song).

I love planning birthday parties for my boys.  It means so incredibly much to me that our loved ones take time out of their days/plans/family time to share in celebrating the life of my boys.  Honestly, I couldn't care less about the presents (my kids might have a slightly different opinion, though).  I just love celebrating them.  And that's really what it's all about to me.  Just celebrating the person that God is shaping them, all of us, to be.  And knowing that we matter to those that love us, we matter to the One who loved us enough to give us life.  Abundant life.

And when the party's over, the guests have all gone home, I have put everything away and Matt has swept the last of the confetti into the trash can, we can look at our little birthday boy, and we can say, "You are fearfully and wonderfully made, my son.  Your Heavenly Father created you to be exactly who you are.  He has searched you and He knows your heart.  And He loves you more than you can ever know. You matter to Him."  What an absolutely overwhelmingly awesome BLESSING and honor it is to be able to speak those words into our sons' lives. 

I hope that we all can reflect on that one special day each year, and we can put all of our insecurities and failures and flaws aside and just revel in the person God made us to be.  Every little idiosyncrasy.  Every little wrinkle or gray hair.  Every little beautiful thing that makes us all a unique and perfect masterpiece in His eyes.  He loves us.  HE LOVES US!! just the way we are.  And we can know that God has given us the ultimate birthday gift, one that just keeps on giving...for a REALLY long time, like...forever.  (I don't think a thank-you note even begins to cover it...)

So...my inspiration for my ramblings about birthdays just happens to be my very own brother, who is celebrating his Big Day today...at the beach...must be nice.  Anyway, my big brother Derek is turning 30-something today, and I just want to celebrate him. 

We got along great growing up (read: we fought like cats and dogs growing up).  There was that one time that he locked me out of the house and I busted a window to get back in.  And the times where I was his human football tee and personal ball girl.  And all those times he so graciously called shotgun, so I could be much safer in the backseat.  This pretty much sums up our whole relationship:

It may look like we love each other, but I was one second from a full nelson or headlock or whatever wrestling move it was--do you see it??  (And yes, I am actually wearing a shirt that says "I'm Po' but I'm proud" from Po' Folks.  Thanks, Mom.)  Thankfully, we have learned a little more about brotherly/sisterly love as we have grown up.  So here are the Top Ten things that I admire and celebrate about my brother:

1. He provides for his family.
2. He sets a Godly example for his four sons.
3. He leads an entire congregation in worship every Sunday.
4. He is a faithful and loving husband.
5. He shares his passions with his sons, and takes time to learn about theirs.
6. He stands up for what he believes is right.
7. He is a great entrepeneur.
8. He is SO talented...He can sing, play multiple instruments, do amazing video work, good athlete, great cook, etc.
9. He is a really good driver.
10. He is humble.

Happy Birthday, Bro.  I hope it's a good one.

P.S.  You've gotta read this.  One of my faves.  Truly incomprehensible, His love for us.

¹ O LORD, you have searched me

and you know me.

² You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

³ You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

⁴ Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O LORD.

⁵ You hem me in—behind and before;

you have laid your hand upon me.

⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths,^[a] you are there.

⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,”

¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:1-16

Blogging...a new adventure

Pretty much as long as I can remember, I have wanted children.  I remember "working" in the church nursery with my mom when I was barely out of the nursery myself.  I played house and spent hours swaddling and rocking and singing to my dolls. In fact, at the tender age of four, my sweet Baby Ann felt a little chilly to me, so I did what only a good mother could do, and I turned on the gas stove and held her over it to warm her up. Thank goodness I only charred her hair...Anyway, the point is that I have been a mother at heart probably since the day I was born. 

As an adult, I chose a career working with children.  I learned all about how to educate them and teach them to behave.  I just knew being a mom would be easy...I had it all figured out.

Of course I was thrilled when God blessed us with our firstborn son, Jack. 

My motherly dreams were finally coming true!!  But it wasn't long before I realized that God has a great sense of humor, because everything I thought I knew about kids and parenting clearly did not apply with little Jack. 

I started to realize that maybe I might learn more from Jack than he would learn from me.

Then along came Owen...another sweet bundle of joy!  And he really was.  Owen was born laughing.  He is fun and crazy and just happy to be here. 

He is also stubborn and strong-willed and likes to say no.  A lot.  (I honestly don't know where he gets it...shhhh, mom.) 

God has used my children to teach me so many things...patience, love, consistency, selflessness, humility, joy, discipline, empathy, more patience...the list goes on.  All topics for another day...

As for today, I rejoice in being a mother to these two little boys, these reckless little spirits that have taught me so much already in their short little lives.  I don't know why God chose me to be their mom, but I am honored and humbled by such a great responsibility that He has entrusted to me.   Deep down, I feel that every moment of everyday....

However....

I have learned that the enormous task of stay-at-home mom is a tad more challenging than I had ever imagined.  Grocery shopping. Cleaning house. Doing laundry. Paying bills. Cooking healthy meals.  Doing dishes.  And of course, taking care of the sweet children.  It is quite frankly, a job that I cannot do alone.  Thank goodness for my sweet husband Matt who sometimes daily steps in and does far more than his share of the housework after working a full day at work ( I love you, honey!).  The truth is being a stay-at-home mom is not for the faint-of-heart.  It is challenging in an entirely different way than any other profession I know.  Even more than that, though, being a stay-at-home mom is...well, it's just plain lonely.  I like people.  I like looking at them.  I like talking to them.  I like to hear their voices and laugh with them and just be around them.  I have a thousand different thoughts that I have throughout the day that swirl around in my head and keep me awake at night...

I have considered blogging for a while, but I always come back to the question of who would want to read it?  Really.  Well, I guess I have finally decided it doesn't really matter who reads it.  I can share my days with two people or a thousand people or no people at all, but at the end of the day, I have emptied my little brain, and I can rest a little easier.  So here's my latest adventure.  If you're reading this, bless your heart for making it *almost* to the end of my rambling...and I hope you'll stay tuned for more...

I'll end on this note...on more days than not, I feel that I have not quite measured up.  I am overwhelmed by my inability to sufficiently complete all those many mommy tasks set before me.   Insecurity can swallow me up with just one tough day (toys everywhere, beds not made, grumpy kids, five loads of laundry to do, frozen pizza for dinner kind of day).  On those days, I find rest in these words...

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  2 Corinthians 12:9

Thank the Lord that I can boast about my weaknesses!  Now that is something I'm good at. 

What verses do you find comfort in?