No TV

No TV today.  It's only 8:20am, and I have said these words to Jack about 32 times already.  He lost his screen time yesterday afternoon after some bad behavior that I won't rehash on here.  Suffice it to say, this consequence was well deserved.  And it's just for today.  Tomorrow, if he can manage not to repeat the same offense, he will get full privileges back. 

I'm not a huge fan of TV.  I feel like it sort of turns our brains to mush, and I know there are at least 18 other things I could be doing that would enrich my life a little more.  With that said, I am completely guilty of zoning out most nights after the kids are in bed and watching HGTV or Grey's Anatomy or Parenthood or some other equally meaningless show.  There's just something relaxing about snuggling up on the sofa and forgetting about my own day for a few minutes.  Clearly I'm not alone in this, as the TV/movie business is thriving.  But I feel guilty all the same. 

And now I feel even more guilty because I have passed this TV torch on to my 4 year old.  Jack loves TV.  Probably even more than an average kid.  And before I go any further, let me say that his screen time is limited.  We are AAP recommendation-abiding parents, after all.  Two hours a day--TOPS--and many days, not nearly that much.  Anyway, when Jack was a one-month-old very colicky baby, we did what any good (okay, desperate) parent would do, and turned on a Baby Einstein video.  He instantly stopped crying!  So in those very long, difficult early days of Jack, he fell in love with his Baby Einstein videos (he only got one a day--why did we torture outselves that way!?) and we grew to love the 24 minutes of pure baby happiness we got when they were on. 

Fast forward to today, and Jack has a veritable menagerie of shows he adores and follows--Jake and the Neverland Pirates, Bubble Guppies, Umizoomi, Little Einsteins, etc.  All of the shows he watches are mostly educational and all display positive social interactions.  I am very picky about what I will allow him to watch.  After all, I do want to protect his eyes, his ears, his heart.  And it is 100% up to us as parents to decide what we allow to speak into our children's lives.  I take that to heart. 

I know that taking away TV time is a consequence that speaks loud and clear to Jack.  It's effective.  Every time he asks to watch, I can remind him of the offense that resulted in losing his favorite pastime.  It gives him extra time to process what happened and what he can do differently next time.  And it requires him to think twice about his choices because he knows that if he makes the same bad choice again, he will lose another day of TV. 

Still, when I hear the sheer number of times he has asked to watch TV this morning, I can't help but question my decision to let him watch TV at all.  I am not a morning person.  And he is.  So most days I start the day by letting the boys watch a show while I have a few minutes to wake up and fix their breakfast and pray for the day.  This morning we were all a little more grumpy than usual because we didn't stick to that routine.  I have spent the better part of this morning contemplating whether I really want to continue that routine or find a different way for us to all start our morning. 

Anyway, I'm curious about your thoughts on this subject.  How do you handle TV in your house?  What is your stance on this issue?   (You can leave comments.  It's okay.)

My Beads

These are my favorite beads.  I got them last summer.  It's not because they are exquisitely beautiful.  Because they're not. (Although I love the colors!).  It's not because they are worth a lot of money.  Because they're not.  They are made of paper and plastic.  It's not even because I think they look particularly good on me.  Because I don't.  It's because of the hands that made them.  The hands that learned how to make these beads out of magazines.  The hands that belong to a woman on the other side of the world in Uganda.  That woman made this necklace with the same hands that hold her babies.  The babies who are thriving because she made this necklace.  And I have the honor of wearing it.  It's one of a kind.  I mean, there are probably thousands of necklaces that are similar, but none of them look just like mine.  Every time I slip it around my neck, I think of those hands that crafted each and every bead out of paper (of PAPER!), and I pray for the woman, the mother who belongs to those hands.  I like to think that she has two little boys just like me.  I like to pray for those little boys, too.  I love this necklace.  

This necklace also reminds me of a little girl...I came across the story of this little girl a year or two ago, and I was just blown away.  A Facebook friend had randomly met her and posted her story online--at that time, she was just getting started.  Then, she was selling t-shirts at our church.  Then I spotted her family again at a park close to home, and I was so excited I went to say hi and introduce myself to them (And I am quite sure they thought I was one step from stalking...).  I found out that they know our photographer friend Stephanie, and I thought then how crazy it was that this mission, this little girl kept popping up in my life.  I can't wait for you to read her story because you will be AMAZED.  I know I was. 

Meet Sydney.

http://feedingtheorphans.com/from-sydney

Sydney was 10!! when she started Feeding the Orphans.  When her heart was broken for these children.  When she felt God calling her to action.  When she was obedient.  I am still in awe of her story and her reckless abandon in fulfilling God's purpose for her young and compassionate heart.  I am also amazed at her family's willingness to  step out in faith and obedience and allow Sydney's mission to be their family's mission.  I think her story is just SO worth sharing.  Weren't you amazed?

Sydney's organization does a lot of different things to help support the orphans, including selling really awesome merchandise from t-shirts to jewelry to hosting a sponsorship program for many orphans.  You should check out the website for yourself though...

http://feedingtheorphans.com/

I believe that God has not called us to adopt at this season of our lives, but I do believe He has burdened my heart with this cause.  I rarely go a day where I don't think about those sweet faces, their sick bodies, their overwhelming needs, and know that they are so precious in His sight.  I often feel guilty for how much my own children have when compared to the little boys just their age on the other side of the world, like the little boys who belong to the mother that made my necklace.  My heart is broken for mothers who love so deeply that they make an unimaginable choice to give their children over to a promise of a better life.  And for mothers who have to choose between feeding their children or giving them medicine they need.  And for children who have never known a full belly or a warm bed.  And for children who will not live to be as old as even my own young sons.  But when I get lost in that sorrow and the ache is so deep, God reminds me that we can do something.  So we pray.  We sponsor.  We give.  And we pray some more. 

I have so much growing to do in this area.  I often feel torn between living in the comfort I have always known and sacrificing because that is what He has called us to do.  

I am thankful that God puts people in and around our lives where we least expect them who challenge us and make us grow.   I hope Sydney's story inspires you as much as it did me. 

Thanks for letting me share what's on my heart today.

Little Rockers

A little over a year ago, our hand-me-down dryer started smelling like it might cause a house fire, so we decided it was time to go buy our very own brand-new washer and dryer set (Hello, adulthood...who knew I would ever be so excited about doing laundry!?).  Anyway, we headed to Best Buy with both boys in tow, picked what we wanted, and began the purchasing process.  Since it was taking a little while and the boys were getting a little restless (climbing inside the appliances on display), I took them to explore the rest of the store.  After spending a few minutes checking out the enormous TV's and playing with the video games on display, we wandered into the instrument area of the store.  They have keyboards, guitars, and drumsets out so anyone can test them out.  I thought this might entertain them for a few minutes, so I let Jack climb up on the little stool with some drumsticks, and bang his little heart out.  Oh my goodness!  It was love at first sight.

Since that day, Jack has not wavered on his love for all things rock and roll.  This past Christmas, he asked for a guitar and drums, and Santa delivered.  Jack is way into his drums and plays them everyday.  Straws, sticks, silverware...you name it, it's a drumstick to Jack.  We kept thinking it was a phase, but he genuinely seems to love playing music. 

And here's the sweetest thing.  Owen, who adores his big brother Jack, has also picked up an interest in rock and roll, as well.  They often get together and "play" drums and guitar or keyboard and have their own little band.  It's something they definitely have bonded over, and I love watching them together.  I don't always love listening...but I love to see them enjoying being together. 

Recently, we went to our church's 4th of July festival and heard a new band Rapture Ruckus.  Jack loved them and danced and sang the whole time they played. (And Owen ate cotton candy).  Matt downloaded their music, and Jack has been listening to it nonstop, learning all the songs. 

Well, tonight Matt played a little Rapture Ruckus for the boys, and they ROCKED out.  They both danced and sang and jumped and flipped and loved every minute of it.  I love to watch them completely let loose and have so much fun and just enjoy each other so much.

Here's a glimpse of them.  They've got some moves, right!?  Owen has this funny dance move where he stands on one foot and sticks his little hip out and spins around.  And if it looks like he's scratching his tummy--yeah, that's him playing air guitar.    Enjoy!

Birthdays

I adore birthdays.  Everything about them.  The enormous bunches of balloons in all different colors. 

 The goofy party hats with those stretchy little strings that don't *quite* fit.  Those annoyingly loud blowy things that shoot out at people when they are least expecting it. 

The colorful streamers that seem like a necessity, but I can never figure out where to hang them.  The Yumm-o party food. 

The confetti!  Little bits of whatever-the-theme-is that make my husband go bonkers while cleaning up.  The shiny packages and sweet little cards.  The insanely unhealthy bakery birthday cake perfectly matched to the theme. 

The ignorant bliss of enjoying said cake for the very first time.

The perfect little personalized invitation.  All the sweet friends and family that take time out of their busy days to celebrate with you. 

Every last detail.  I am NOT kidding.  I absolutely cannot help it. 

I. Love. Birthdays.

There's just something about celebrating the day that God chose to breathe life into us.  Life is such an incredible mystery and miracle, and every single day, let alone a whole year, is such a gift from our sweet Lord who made us in His image.  And really, who doesn't secretly want to tell everyone they know that it's their birthday when it comes around each year??  Who doesn't love to hear those two little words--Happy Birthday!!!  I mean, come on, we may not like getting one year older, but we sure do love having one day that we can just celebrate the fact that we actually exist here on this planet.  Also, one day where we can get free dessert (along with the total strangers clapping and marching through a restaurant just to sing a Happy Birthday song).

I love planning birthday parties for my boys.  It means so incredibly much to me that our loved ones take time out of their days/plans/family time to share in celebrating the life of my boys.  Honestly, I couldn't care less about the presents (my kids might have a slightly different opinion, though).  I just love celebrating them.  And that's really what it's all about to me.  Just celebrating the person that God is shaping them, all of us, to be.  And knowing that we matter to those that love us, we matter to the One who loved us enough to give us life.  Abundant life.

And when the party's over, the guests have all gone home, I have put everything away and Matt has swept the last of the confetti into the trash can, we can look at our little birthday boy, and we can say, "You are fearfully and wonderfully made, my son.  Your Heavenly Father created you to be exactly who you are.  He has searched you and He knows your heart.  And He loves you more than you can ever know. You matter to Him."  What an absolutely overwhelmingly awesome BLESSING and honor it is to be able to speak those words into our sons' lives. 

I hope that we all can reflect on that one special day each year, and we can put all of our insecurities and failures and flaws aside and just revel in the person God made us to be.  Every little idiosyncrasy.  Every little wrinkle or gray hair.  Every little beautiful thing that makes us all a unique and perfect masterpiece in His eyes.  He loves us.  HE LOVES US!! just the way we are.  And we can know that God has given us the ultimate birthday gift, one that just keeps on giving...for a REALLY long time, like...forever.  (I don't think a thank-you note even begins to cover it...)

So...my inspiration for my ramblings about birthdays just happens to be my very own brother, who is celebrating his Big Day today...at the beach...must be nice.  Anyway, my big brother Derek is turning 30-something today, and I just want to celebrate him. 

We got along great growing up (read: we fought like cats and dogs growing up).  There was that one time that he locked me out of the house and I busted a window to get back in.  And the times where I was his human football tee and personal ball girl.  And all those times he so graciously called shotgun, so I could be much safer in the backseat.  This pretty much sums up our whole relationship:

It may look like we love each other, but I was one second from a full nelson or headlock or whatever wrestling move it was--do you see it??  (And yes, I am actually wearing a shirt that says "I'm Po' but I'm proud" from Po' Folks.  Thanks, Mom.)  Thankfully, we have learned a little more about brotherly/sisterly love as we have grown up.  So here are the Top Ten things that I admire and celebrate about my brother:

1. He provides for his family.
2. He sets a Godly example for his four sons.
3. He leads an entire congregation in worship every Sunday.
4. He is a faithful and loving husband.
5. He shares his passions with his sons, and takes time to learn about theirs.
6. He stands up for what he believes is right.
7. He is a great entrepeneur.
8. He is SO talented...He can sing, play multiple instruments, do amazing video work, good athlete, great cook, etc.
9. He is a really good driver.
10. He is humble.

Happy Birthday, Bro.  I hope it's a good one.

P.S.  You've gotta read this.  One of my faves.  Truly incomprehensible, His love for us.

¹ O LORD, you have searched me

and you know me.

² You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

³ You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

⁴ Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O LORD.

⁵ You hem me in—behind and before;

you have laid your hand upon me.

⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths,^[a] you are there.

⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,”

¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:1-16

Blogging...a new adventure

Pretty much as long as I can remember, I have wanted children.  I remember "working" in the church nursery with my mom when I was barely out of the nursery myself.  I played house and spent hours swaddling and rocking and singing to my dolls. In fact, at the tender age of four, my sweet Baby Ann felt a little chilly to me, so I did what only a good mother could do, and I turned on the gas stove and held her over it to warm her up. Thank goodness I only charred her hair...Anyway, the point is that I have been a mother at heart probably since the day I was born. 

As an adult, I chose a career working with children.  I learned all about how to educate them and teach them to behave.  I just knew being a mom would be easy...I had it all figured out.

Of course I was thrilled when God blessed us with our firstborn son, Jack. 

My motherly dreams were finally coming true!!  But it wasn't long before I realized that God has a great sense of humor, because everything I thought I knew about kids and parenting clearly did not apply with little Jack. 

I started to realize that maybe I might learn more from Jack than he would learn from me.

Then along came Owen...another sweet bundle of joy!  And he really was.  Owen was born laughing.  He is fun and crazy and just happy to be here. 

He is also stubborn and strong-willed and likes to say no.  A lot.  (I honestly don't know where he gets it...shhhh, mom.) 

God has used my children to teach me so many things...patience, love, consistency, selflessness, humility, joy, discipline, empathy, more patience...the list goes on.  All topics for another day...

As for today, I rejoice in being a mother to these two little boys, these reckless little spirits that have taught me so much already in their short little lives.  I don't know why God chose me to be their mom, but I am honored and humbled by such a great responsibility that He has entrusted to me.   Deep down, I feel that every moment of everyday....

However....

I have learned that the enormous task of stay-at-home mom is a tad more challenging than I had ever imagined.  Grocery shopping. Cleaning house. Doing laundry. Paying bills. Cooking healthy meals.  Doing dishes.  And of course, taking care of the sweet children.  It is quite frankly, a job that I cannot do alone.  Thank goodness for my sweet husband Matt who sometimes daily steps in and does far more than his share of the housework after working a full day at work ( I love you, honey!).  The truth is being a stay-at-home mom is not for the faint-of-heart.  It is challenging in an entirely different way than any other profession I know.  Even more than that, though, being a stay-at-home mom is...well, it's just plain lonely.  I like people.  I like looking at them.  I like talking to them.  I like to hear their voices and laugh with them and just be around them.  I have a thousand different thoughts that I have throughout the day that swirl around in my head and keep me awake at night...

I have considered blogging for a while, but I always come back to the question of who would want to read it?  Really.  Well, I guess I have finally decided it doesn't really matter who reads it.  I can share my days with two people or a thousand people or no people at all, but at the end of the day, I have emptied my little brain, and I can rest a little easier.  So here's my latest adventure.  If you're reading this, bless your heart for making it *almost* to the end of my rambling...and I hope you'll stay tuned for more...

I'll end on this note...on more days than not, I feel that I have not quite measured up.  I am overwhelmed by my inability to sufficiently complete all those many mommy tasks set before me.   Insecurity can swallow me up with just one tough day (toys everywhere, beds not made, grumpy kids, five loads of laundry to do, frozen pizza for dinner kind of day).  On those days, I find rest in these words...

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  2 Corinthians 12:9

Thank the Lord that I can boast about my weaknesses!  Now that is something I'm good at. 

What verses do you find comfort in?